Table Talk

I don't think we should stand this close.
I don't think we should hold our hands together.
I don't think we should lay next to each other in the sand.
I don't think we should dance in a dark room.
I don't think we should share our dreams, especially the ones that we've had together.
I don't think we should step with the same foot.
I don't think we should talk 'til the morning hours.
I don't think we should ever speak again.
I don't think we should ride in the same car.
I don't think we should write silly little notes.
I don't think we should stare 'til we are moved by each other's souls.
I don't think we should go the same way.
I don't think we should stay.

Because you're scaring me, you're making me uncomfortable, and you're making it hard for me to lie. . .

Land

You're keeping me from the ones I love. But then again, You're leading me to the ones whom I've yet to love.

Over

I am in pieces.
I am in tears.
I am in pieces in tears. . .

. . .And these pieces won't let me forget you.

At First

I didn't mean to get lipstick on your shirt.
I didn't mean for it all to happen so fast.
I didn't mean for it all to happen in one night.

And I'm sure you didn't mean to fall in love with me.
And I'm sure you didn't mean to call me everyday for a month.
And I'm sure you didn't mean for all of this to fall apart.

You know, it's funny what we don't mean--
It's
so
damn
funny.

The Last Seat

"Your hands are golden, beautiful and lovely.
But Your hands can not give me what I desire.
So, I can either leave or wait."

Leave or Wait...the human dichotomy.

Again

I don't fear relapsing.
I just don't want to hurt the people in my life because I have to have a needle in my arm to feel like I'm living.

Late

You wouldn't believe the person I have become nor the things that I have done.
So, please, put your mirror away.

"Two people, like us, should never stand this close. . ."

I. . .

I am not someone you trust with your heart.

Mess

It is only a matter of time before it all falls apart.
If you were smart, you wouldn't give me your heart.
If you were smart, you wouldn't play with fire.

It's a disaster waiting to happen, so instead of waiting, I'll just kill it now.

Direction

I don't know what to tell you other than you're looking in the wrong place. . .

Your Arms

. . .the only safe place I know.

Now

You've caught me off guard.
I've no time to put up any defenses.
I can only tell my story.

And I can tell you that I'll try to run away. If your heart was breaking, you'd do the same thing.

Point

I thought I was over this.
But I guess You'll press until I break--

Break away.

--ology

You think...alot.
You think too much.
You think some things are not possible.
You think you'll never find what you're looking for.
You think these wounds will never heal.

"When you stop thinking, I'll be right here. And then, you will find what it is to feel, to know."

Towers

I think you'll learn to love one day.
'Til then, I'll keep my distance.

Anyway

"I wish you wouldn't use that word.
You don't always have to change the subject."

Broken

This is how I always pictured us. . .

Surprise

Your hands are made of soft regret and light kisses.
Your lips deliver the best lies and the boldest cries.
Your eyes are like leaves swaying in the wind not knowing where to land.

And it didn't surprise me that your feet carried fear.
But I still don't understand how an empty heart beats.

Guilt

Maybe I thought wrong.
Maybe I felt bad.

But thinking right and feeling good aren't for me.

Preconceived

I never doubted you.
But all of the sudden, I don't want you.

Wave

Your flight leaves in the morning.
Don't look back when you take off.

. . .because I'll be leaving you.

It's a lie.

When I tell you, "I don't love you", don't believe me.
Please don't believe me.

It's the farthest thing from the truth.

Slip Away

I won't be here in the morning.
And I'm not sorry.

Your arms would be a cold place to die.

Traveler

I don't tell people where I'm going.
I only tell them where I've been.

Give & Take

I used to think you were special.
Now I just think you're selfish.

Until Then

After the storm, we will dance like we used to.
But we must wait 'til after the storm.

Later

I think we should part ways.
You've stopped changing.
But I'm not done living.

Numb

I don't like hearing words that can't reach my heart.
I don't like seeing beauty that is moving but doesn't move me.
I don't like being touched and unable to feel it.

I don't like knowing that it's me who stands in the way.

My Fault

There will always be a little more regret in my life--not because of you, but because I'm letting myself hold on.

Isolation

I'm not the only one.
Neither are you.

Double

I like me without you.
But I will always like you with me.

Forte

I'm good at creating art.
And so I'll stick with what I do best.

I never had a knack for choosing a good guy.

Finish Line

Maybe I'm just done with regret, and maybe I just haven't pushed myself over the edge yet.

Float On

I know what it's like to dream a dream and then to have it all taken away.

...Til Death Do We Part

"Tell me that you are not just a moment in time.
Tell me that we'll be as one for the rest of our lives."

Identity

I'm afraid I haven't been myself my whole life.

Addiction

How do you overcome something that has already overcome you?

Cold Winds

I wish you wouldn't turn your back to me.
It reminds me that ice is hard to melt.

Wonder

I'm letting you go. It's time to fly, blue bird.
When you turn around, I won't be here.

You must discover who you are without me.

Faith

I wish I could see again. . .

Self

I make it possible.
I make it okay.
I make it guilt-free.

I fuel my own addiction.

Interstate

We are close, so very close.
And best friends will always be able to recognize each other, right?
But I'm afraid that over time and distance you're going to change so much I won't recognize you one day.

I pray to God I will always be able to hear the leap of joy in your voice when you see it's me calling on your Blackberry.

Aisles & Rows

I saw you the other day for the first time in years.
You're happy.
And I knew that one day you would be happy.

I just never thought you'd be happy without me.

Waiting

I don't know if I'm getting weaker or stronger. I just know that waiting for anything is hard on the human heart.

Condition

You act out in fits of rage and destruction because you're not used to being separated from your love.

I think that's what we do as humans because there is something that separates us from Love.

Unforeseen

You don't have to worry about me falling for you.
But you falling for me? That's something you should worry about.

Mystery & Treasure

There's something about you, something special.
You've caught me off guard. You've caught my attention.

I'm drawn to you, and I can't figure out why.

Little Black Dress

"I ripped it off because I had nothing to hide.
Sometimes, I wish you had never discovered the treasure inside."

Character

You're really good at playing a role--maybe one day you'll find who you really are.

If. . .

If you really knew her, you'd know she hasn't cut herself in over a year.
If you really knew her, you'd know she fears fame and fortune.
If you really knew her, you'd know that she never loved you.
If you really knew her, you'd know the addictions are too strong and that you can't break her from them.
If you really knew her, you'd stop calling her your best friend.
If you really knew her, you'd give her back what she gave to you.
If you really knew her, you'd let her enjoy the silence.
If you really knew her, you'd know that she prays for you more than herself.
If you really knew her, you'd know her pain.
If you really knew her, you'd keep her secrets.
If you really knew her, you'd know that's her favorite dance.
If you really knew her, you'd know she has the same dreams as you.
If you really knew her, you'd know she sees her gift as a curse.
If you really knew her, you'd know that she sees the world in you.
If you really knew her, you'd know that she doesn't have to wear make-up to be beautiful.
If you really knew her, you'd know that she's been judged because of the color of her skin.
If you really knew her, you'd find a way to reach her when she's numb.
If you really knew her, you'd never buy her another gift for her birthday. Instead you'd give her more of you.
If you really knew her, you'd walk away before it gets too serious--because you know it will.
If you really knew her, you'd remember that she's the only person who ever took you seriously.
If you really knew her, you'd stop her when she starts to run away.
If you really knew her, you'd ask her hard questions.
If you really knew her, you'd know she regrets the words she spoke to you that dark December night.
If you really knew her, you'd see how she hurts when you talk about dark skies.

If you really knew her, you'd realize that you don't really know her at all.

Desire

I don't want what I used to want.

Explain that to me.

Semi--

The person I have the deepest love for has also put the deepest pain in my heart.

Disaster

There is beauty here. . .

. . .in this mess I've made.

Q & A

I don't usually ask You to answer me. I think my questions are enough for You at times.

But right now, I could really use some answers, some closure, some peace.

Holding You

I love you deeply, yet I can't help but fear that one day I'm going to hurt you in the worst, most terrible way.

"The last hand I held was shaking, and I let it go."

Marble Piece

"I don't want anything from you. All this time, I've just wanted to give you everything."

Tonight

Can we sit a while and enjoy the silence? Because there's so much I want to tell you, and my secrets are hidden in the night sky.

Un-Faithful

I know it's hard for you to believe something good will come of this, but I really need you to believe right now.

Attic

"Maybe I was comfortable with it;
Maybe I was comfortable with you."

Memories

"I set this place on fire for you. . ."

Fire By Night

You're changing things. You're taking things. You're moving things.

And for once, I'm okay with it.

Blueberry Muffins

I can't say, "I'll be here when you get back".
I can't say, "I'll hold you when you're weak".
I can't say, "I'll lead you when you're lost".


Because you're already going places, you're already strong, and you're already making you're own way.

Love

The very thing that drew us together will be the very thing that will tear us apart.

This Time

I hope that when you leave, I can forget you.
And I hope our paths don't cross again.

Your joy has caused me so much pain.

The Promise

"You give me hope that one day I will find who I am and that I will love the person I discover."

Rehab

I'm not an addict.
I just need help living with pain. Don't you?

Across The Table

You're the only person I feel safe around.
You're the only person I feel comfortable around.
You're the only person I don't have to entertain because you enjoy me for who I am, not for what I can do.

And it's the oddest thing because I've only known you for such a short time.

Wait

I find it to be the most ironic thing--finding healing in the pain.

He Wears Lipstick

I am curious.
I wonder what it's like to be you.
I hear there is love beneath the starts.
I see it in your eyes.
I want to know what is behind them.

I am weak.
I pretend to be whole.
I believe you're more than what they say you are.
I touch the brims of Heaven when I kiss you.
I feel the sky smile and hear the night sing when we're together.

I am trying to find peace.
I worry about the day when I won't see you anymore.
I cry when I think about it.
I don't want to see you walk away from me.
I found a treasure when I found you.

It Ends.

I can't be around you anymore.
The feelings I've had for you are nailed to the floor.
I can't be around you anymore.
I'm nothing more to you than a lying whore.
I can't be around you anymore.
We're getting close, and I'm too afraid to close the door.
I can't be around you anymore.
These riches I've got--you just can't afford.
I can't be around you anymore.
I've given you my cup. Why won't you pour?

I can't be around you anymore.
Plain and simple-- I'm always going to want more.

Broken Gates

"There is no pain like the one this present hour brings.
There is no pain like this."

That's why it surprised me when I looked into your eyes because you feel the same pain I do.

Stars & The Moon

"I wish you could be happy.

Then I wouldn't have to wish anymore."

Near Me

I found a hard spot in your heart when I was holding it the other day. It was the oddest discovery because we're always laughing when we play on the playground together; but this time, you wanted to sit out. I don't play very well by myself, and I told you not to leave me here all alone.

"But I will wait for you to return; I will wait for you to heal. I can see you from the sandbox, but I can't touch you. I hate not being able to feel you near."

Ice Cubes

"There's a lot of fear that fills the spaces between you and me."

I don't know if it's because we're a lot alike.
And I don't know if it's because we both want the same thing.
I just know there's a lot of fear that fills the spaces between you and me.

Table Manners

"I should not be left alone like this."

Story

There is something within me that wants to break out.
There is something within me that wants to speak.
There is something within me that needs to come to life.

"It is the most painful thing to hold inside.
It is the most painful thing to stifle, I've tried."

An Angel & A Ladder

I want to know if this wrestling match will ever end between You and me.

Idle

They call it loneliness because you can't share with anyone--no matter how hard you try.

Lift

He's given you to me for a while. I don't know how long I'll hold you in my arms; I don't know how long you'll need me. I don't know if you even need me.

"But I do know when you're ready to fly, you'll soar."

Unwell

You're searching for freedom. You're searching for who you really are. You're searching deep inside. All in all, you don't really know what you're searching for. . .

Because you've never tasted freedom, you don't know who you really are, and you don't know how deep your soul really is.

Your Choice

He said that I gave him a reason to live again, to live freely.
He said that he had never met anyone like him, like me.
He said that we could be something special, something beautiful.

He said that he had never fallen in love with a girl before and that admitting to his friends that he had been living a lie since he was sixteen would be the worst thing in the world.

"I didn't know something so free, so special, and so beautiful could be the worst thing in the world."

Rest and Peace

My heart is growing weary, and my hands are almost empty.

"I know someone else out there shares the same dream as me.
I'm not alone in this. It just hurts to be lonely until I meet you."

Hide Away

I really wish you wouldn't hide your secrets behind your eyes because they're so readily available to me. Secrets shouldn't be so easy to see, so easy to know. That's why they call them secrets.

"Please keep your secrets
from me. They are a lot like
mine, and it scares me."

My Doubt

I don't want something that I can just feel.
I want something that is real, something that hurts, and something that heals.

I want something that lasts, even when it's gone.

Him

I don't believe in forever.
No, you took that away a long time ago.

I'm going to let you go soon, and it's the worst feeling because I just got a hold of you.

My Love

Your hidden love for me is now open before my eyes. I know you catch the silence between us, and for once, you're okay. You're not afraid to not say anything.

And that's all I've wanted this whole time, for you to not be afraid.

Loss

". . .maybe some things were meant to slow us down."

Fear

You are not keeping any secrets from me. Your secrets are keeping you from me.

i. love. you.

Crazy little words, how do you come together?
Crazy little words, how do I show them that I mean you?
Crazy little words, you got me into trouble.
Crazy little words, you gave me more than I bargained for.
Crazy little words, how do I define you?
Crazy little words, how will I know when I have seen you?
Crazy little words, you're not really that little at all.
Crazy little words, you're beginning to get to me.
Crazy little words, why do you steal moments from me?
Crazy little words, why do you erase my memory?
Crazy little words, you're destroying me.
Crazy little words, you're tearing my world apart.
Crazy little words, why must you go?
Crazy little words, why must you do this to me?

i. love. you.

Each Other

Your smile is so beautiful, but it is not mine.
Your laugh is so joyous, but it is not because of me.
Your eyes are so dark, but they were not made to find mine.
Your skin is so soft, but it was not made to brush mine.
Your hands are so gentle, but they were not made for the curve of my hips.
Your lips are so perfect, but they were not made to match mine.
Your spirit is so hungry, and for once, something of yours matches mine.

Dead Sea

There are three roses on your bed for you--one from me, one from your father, and one from your sister. Mine is rotted and wilted, his is fresh and new, and hers is yet to grow. Each flower represents the point in your life you were at when each of us met you.

So, tell me, what is it like to be rotted and wilted and to only give what's been left over?

Fingernails & Hair

Even though it's dying, it can still be pretty.
Even though I'm dying, I can still be pretty.

Regret

We can't hold back the wind. We can't undo what has been done.

Life

"She never finished it."

Post-Haste

There's no reason to be ashamed.

Heart[less] Monster

Your words hurt worse than a cold slap in the face. I have never wanted to run away from someone so badly. And at the same time, I have never wanted to save someone so desperately.

"I'm not like the others. This is something you can not forget."

Directions

Sometimes I don't know where I'm going, and it scares me. It really scares me.

Precious, Lovely, and Dying

I knew, when I met you, that I'd miss you if you weren't in my life.
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. I imagine it'll be a lot like dying--having to live without you.

You are the only person in this world that I've found to be like me, and you and I both know that's a rare find.

Your Word

The fact that we went all the way doesn't mean a damn thing.
You said there were no strings attached.

I wish you would mean what you say.

Messy

Better than an empty prayer. . .

. . . .is my drunken cry of brokenness.

Turn

Every time we're together, we take a risk.
Every time we're together, we go further than before.
And every time we're together, it always ends the same way. . .with me wanting more.

Because if you were to admit your love for me, it would mean that everything you've lived up until this point is a lie.

Nothing

"I'm waiting on you
to take the last step. I need
you closer to me. . ."

Whole

There are many pieces that have yet to be put together. . .

Some things are better left broken instead.

Wheel

I hate to think that the only thing I ever caused you was pain.

Dear Heart

"You look broken.
You look beaten.
You look as though someone just took away everything you ever believed in."

Yeshua

I realized today that I'm breaking Your heart. I'm making You sad; I'm making You cry and ache over me. And this was never my intention. . .

My promises are worth nothing. I wish You could leave me and stop loving me.

Hope Not

I have this strange feeling I'm going to let you all down, especially you.

Crumble

I resisted the urge to kiss you because I knew it wouldn't change things. I don't know how long you're going to deny this, to deny me.

The longer you ignore it all, the easier it's going to be to break into you when that time comes.

Without

I don't know, maybe you do.

You

Everything is blurry these days.
Nothing is tangible.
Life just grows colder.

Under the Lights

I don't like knowing that I am weak around you, and I don't like the feeling that I could give away so much of myself to you at any moment.

Let Me.

I don't know what I thought I knew.
What scares me is that I don't care anymore.
I am not who I thought I was.
What scares me is that I'm not fighting anymore.

How does one go from holding and nurturing the hearts around her to shattering them without a sense of guilt or shame?

Truth Can Be

They're waiting for you to fall.
They're waiting for something to catch you on.
But, baby, they don't know you're flawless.

Orientation

You really shouldn't wrap your arms around my hips like that, especially if you swing the other way.

"Because I'm dying inside. . ."

Depression

It's like a prison you're dying to get out of because living is such a foreign and forgotten experience.

In My Life

There will always be one person who took it all.
There will always be two days I'll never forget.
There will always be three feet between us.
There will always be four letters I'll never regret putting together to say to you.
There will always be five times we could have had something beautiful.
There will always be six minutes that I regret.
There will always be seven chairs around the table.
There will always be eight more flavors to try.
There will always be 9 times 279 kisses between the two us.
There will always be ten deaths you never died. . .

Rare Occasion

I never told you that I felt your tears hit the back of my neck the first time you cried in front of me.

"I can still feel them."

Delicate

"I broke your heart like it was made of glass and cut your soul like it was something deep."

But neither of these are near representations of who you are. You are the most plastic figure I've ever held my whole life.

Erase

There's a reason why you couldn't stop caring for me.
I pray to God you never find it out.
Because it will mess you up, more than it's messed me up.

Forget me, that's all I ask of you.

Grant

Don't tell me how it ends.
You always drop hints; you drop too many.

"I don't want to know his heart before I find it.
I just want to breathe."

Away

"The further you go, the closer I get."

Sincerely

I feel like I know the you who wears false eyelashes, way too much blush, Candy perfume, and mountain-girl boots better than the you who wears black t-shirts, crazy headbands, worn-out jeans, and a torn smile. You always smile so genuinely when you wear lipstick, and you always stare so eloquently when you're bare faced. You capture the essence of my spirit both ways, and you know my secrets whether you have a wig on or not. It doesn't matter if we're drunk off of vodka or each other--we're together, and I like that. You wrap your arms around me and steal much more than the innocence in my soul; you steal it all.

"I knew you were something special when I met you. You're still something special."

Up

They always told me "Fall gracefully. Fall in such a way that it steals beauty from the breath of spectators." But I fell in such a tragic way that even walking again was out of the question. Some of us were just born to crawl.

"And sometimes the mud is way too much fun."

X

"Sorry for stabbing you in the back.
It just felt so good."

No Surprise

Your face is a dirty secret that I want to keep close to my heart until it beats out of my chest.

Unbelief

I don't believe in You today as much as I did yesterday.

Two Trash Cans

I released your heart into the fountain with such care, such tact. I didn't want it to hit the bottom before it knew where it was. I didn't want to throw it because you don't throw things that aren't yours. I didn't want it to go into shock from the change in temperature, the change in seasons. I didn't want to drop it because it was already broken and bitter enough. You'll be glad to know that your heart is still on a string, still closed, still only capable of loving you and only you.

You are the most important person in your eyes, and that's sad; but I won't cry because I don't give tears to lost causes.

Inside

"I'll be damned if you ever get what you want from me."

Degenerative

I'm jealous of your disease because you have a reason to be mad at God, yet you're at peace. I have no reason to be mad at God, yet I'm still wrestling with Him after all this time.

Why won't You just leave me alone?

Yellow Bird Stuck In A Tree

"You can't do that. You
can't use words like that, words that
make me want to stay."

Over

I wish you weren't so easy to forget,
And I wish my heart could find something about you to regret.

But there's nothing special about you--there's nothing unique.
You're only lovely, only so lovely.

The Next Fall

I am so much more intimate with the evil within me than the good.
I am so weak, so reckless, so unworthy.
I swear I'm an example of what not to be.

How would you feel if there was a fight for your soul and all you could do was watch with your hands tied behind your back and your lips sewn together with wire?

Poor Girl

Poor girl, you let him slip right through your fingers.
Poor girl, you're addicted.
Poor girl, you think deep thoughts, really deep thoughts.
Poor girl, you know too much.
Poor girl, you speak too soon.
Poor girl, you sat in his lap way too long.
Poor girl, your imagination gets the best of you.
Poor girl, they adore you.
Poor girl, they are fascinated by you.
Poor girl, you messed it up.
Poor girl, you are not good enough.
Poor girl, you hold your head too high.
Poor girl, you are not perfect.
Poor girl, your heart is in pieces.
Poor girl, you used a boy to forget the pain.
Poor girl, your best friend was a bottle last night.
Poor girl, you always use the back entrance.
Poor girl, you are broken.
Poor girl, you tripped over him.
Poor girl, you have a cut on your wrist...again.
Poor girl, you screwed up.
Poor girl, you know they think you are beautiful.
Poor girl, you know they wonder.
Poor girl, you know they have questions.

Poor girl, how are you so rich?

Last Time

"You were the only chance I wanted to take."

The Long Way Home

I never told you the secret short-cut because I just wanted to hear you speak--even if it was in a French accent or like Jerry Seinfield,
I just wanted to hold your hand a little longer,
I just wanted to see you smile one more time,
I just wanted to feel your heart at peace for another minute,
I just wanted to catch your eyes again and again.
Deep down all I really wanted was more time with you.


I will always want more time.

Satisfied.

What's enough?
Because apparently enough is never enough.

A bro-ken Hallelujah

Your people celebrate Your resurrection today...some resurrection.
Your people celebrate the victory over Death...some victory.
Your people celebrate their residence in Heaven...some residence.

I celebrate the misery,
the brokenness,
the pain,
the loneliness,
the isolation,
the regret,
the apathy,
the rejection,
the lies,
the broken truth,
the sorrow,
the darkness,
the slighted promises,
the one-night stands,
the stolen goods,
the infidelity,
the wayward tongue,
the drunken nights
and high, early to rise mornings where nothing is faithful but the sun. . .

Because three nights in a tomb just isn't enough for me sometimes.

Out of Control

"Don't you see there is a greater force at work here than us?"

To Begin With. . .

Your heart is a stone.
My heart was a window.

What do stones do to windows?

Nine Months

Why did I wait for Time to heal me when all I had to do was let go?

Cement

Why does it feel unfinished?

Angels

I never knew what it was like to hold a human hand inside of mine, and I never knew what it was like to feel a human heart beat next to mine. The biggest misconception humans have about us is that we don't make mistakes. They think we don't fall--

Just because we're not human doesn't mean we don't mess up or want what we can't have. Because we do. Believe me, we do.

Weeds

"I hate it when things like that slip through the cracks."

Choice(s)

You would have been three today. You would have had fiercely dark hair and brazen brown eyes. I like to think you would have had my smile and my laugh, too. Your spirit would be free and your soul, transparent. But I took life from the Giver of life.

When I finally meet you, there are two things I ask of you--Will you tell me what you would have been like, and will you forgive me?

Flawless

Sometimes I wish I would have made a better mistake than you.

Fate

As humans, we've been cursed with the ability to ask "why?".
And then there are those of us who just don't give a damn.

For You

I am still defending you.
I am still on your side.
Because God knows they're all against you.

Places

I never thought I'd end up in a stranger's bed at three in the morning, but then again I never thought I'd ever be out of your arms either.

I Never. . .

I never knew someone so vulnerable.
I never felt something so temporary.
I never knew my heart could have such a capacity.
I never thought you were beautiful.
I never knew so many people could care so much.
I never thought she'd be my best friend.
I never knew you wanted so badly to protect me.
I never saw your actions match your words.
I never knew fear in a roundabout way.
I never heard a sound so rich.
I never found a treasure so messy.
I never met someone so beneath me.
I never thought you'd find me.
I never knew at fourteen you could lose it all.
I never felt such a rush, such a height.
I never believed you.
I never really wanted to apologize.
I never thought I'd make-out with your best friend behind your car.
I never saw you smile.
I never saw you with him.
I never doubted you.
I never look at you.
I never thought it could get this deep, this dark.
I never thought there'd be a difference.
I never ask easy questions.
I never left the peanut butter jar out too long.

Catch

The wind found its way to my heart last night and revealed to me your secrets. The wind is not going to stop until you do. Please stop.

Before Fifteen

I wish I was like you. I wish I was pure, and I wish I could keep my shoes clean. But I will always be the freshman girl who entered high school knowing way too many of the football players and the girl who always got her heels stuck in the mud.

Regret

"I wish the last thing I told you had been the truth. . ."

Never-Forever

See-Saw.
Monkey Bars.
Sandbox.
Big Kid Slide.
Teeter-Totter.
Jump-Rope.
Swings.
4-Square.
Tetherball.
Slip 'N Slides.
Zip Line.
Spring riders.
Spin About.
Merry Go Round.

All I'm saying is that I miss life when it was good and innocent.

Trade-Off

If I had been an angel, I would have traded my halo for a human heart. Nothing beats better than when it's broken apart.

Cold Heart

It doesn't surprise me that you found me in the winter and that there was snow surrounding my heart. If you're really the sunshine you claim to be, we'll see how much of this snow melts away. Living in a tundra has never gotten old, but we don't exactly find your kind here.

Same

There is nothing I want more than to break your little glass box, your favorite glass box, your only glass box. You put way too many treasures in your glass box, and you hold them high above your head. I'd have to stand on a loose wooden chair just to reach it, but you've lowered it in hopes that I would treasure the same things, the same people. And I do. But I don't have a glass box--

And this is why I want so badly to break yours.

Spill Canvas

Your bed is full of lies, anger, and hatred. Your closet is full of dust, catechisms, and words that you will never use. Your wardrobe consists of shirts with orthodoxed holes, jeans with indoctrinated tears, and winter coats with the most unruly, morally challenged rips and indecently sewn buttons.

So don't lecture me about the hypocritical zipper on my mini skirt.

Eyelash

I wish you could stop thinking about me.

Until You

I had never been used so eloquently, so well.
I had never seen a grown man cry so many tears.
I had never heard lovers utter so many sighs.
I had never believed in someone so deeply.
I had never screamed so loud, so harsh.
I had never tripped so gracefully.
I had never fallen so hard.
I had never intended to give so much.
I had never intended you to give it back so carelessly.
I had never wanted someone to disappear so quickly.
I had never wanted to run so far, so fast.
I had never cared so fully.
I had never second-guessed so much.
I had never known you to be so rotten, so crude until you decided to become a machine--this robot who could no longer feel or be felt.

You built walls.
You burned bridges.
You climbed high.
You left no trace.
But the desperately sad truth is that I could still feel you. . .

Trouble Me--Decay

Addictions.
Alcoholism.
Affairs.

And you thought AAA was only for roadside assistance.

Change of Time

She is fascinated by the early hours of the morning and how you are faithful to your word. They are one and the same. Never has the daylight brought so much hope.

Natural Disasters

Earthquakes, Hurricanes & Tornadoes.
And then there's you and all the damage you do.
And then there's me and all the healing you promised to bring.

Wake, O Sleeper.

I was what your dreams were made of.
And Ever since you lost me you feel your dreams will never come true.

Just don't call me at 3 a.m. and tell me you started dreaming again.

Shipping & Handling

How is it that your heart is empty and mine is full of pain?
I'd say you got the better end of this deal. . .

And I'd also say you had this planned from the day we started to bargain.

Haunted House

This regret is way too charismatic and freeing. Who could resist?


"I think you're starting
to see my demons, and I
am okay with that.
I'm also okay
with you running away. No
one should ever have
to love an artist
so engulfed, enraged in his
art that he can not
separate real life
from his imagination.
Imagination. . ."

Good, Neither Do I.

Do you remember the way I used to tie your tie before you walked out the door? Good, neither do I.
Do you remember the way we used to dance when they played our song? Good, neither do I.
Do you remember the way we used to swing so high into the air so quickly, so effortlessly? Good, neither do I.

And now it's over.
And I'm done telling lies.
And I guess it's not too safe to say, but I'll say it anyway:

"I remember it all. I remember it all. I remember it all."

Circle, Circle. Dot, Dot.

Circle. Circle.
Dot. Dot.
I'm begging God for a new plot.

Circle. Circle.
Dot. Dot.
He speaks of a new place called Paradise, but until the Light invades this darkness, I'll believe it not.

Circle. Circle.
Dot. Dot.
I figured out why they paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.

Circle. Circle.
Dot. Dot.
It has nothing to do with everything Adam and Eve had that we never got.

Circle. Circle.
Dot. Dot.
It all comes down to the fact that I just want to burn it down, that place we called our spot.

Lonely

Empty walls have friends of their own. They come out to play when no one else is listening. It's a shame that no one else is listening.

Smokey Plans

He doesn't want to learn from experience anymore because experience is a brutal teacher.

Let Me Be

Unfinished.
Unwritten.
Undone.

4:39 PM

I didn't want that minute to change.
I didn't want time to slip away any further.

I didn't want us to change.
I didn't want us to slip away any further.

Multipurpose

You did a lot for me.
You did everything for me.
But I don't like being used, and I don't like being hung up to dry with the rest of your laundry.

Spill

When you care about someone, you don't do something intimate and binding with someone else. I hope your regret plagues you 'til the day you die because I'm sure as Hell not sticking around for it.

I hope it was worth it.

Altar

It's never been this dark before. The darkness has become my light.
I guess holiness is a road that wasn't cut out for me.

Times

I'd wait for you forever.
I'd wait for you even if I knew you wouldn't come back to me.

Tell me--who is the fool, and who is the wise man?

Life

I'm finally starting to tell my story, but it's not easy. It's quite painful.

Mirror, Mirror

What have I done? And Who have I become?
And Why do I catch glimspes of you in my eyes...you who I buried so long ago?

Questionable

You obviously don't understand what it's like to be torn between what you want and what you believe.

Stains

I hate how you can see regret coming your way.
And I hate how you never have any words to say.
And I hate how the night never really turns into day.

-ium

You're sitting right beside me, and I miss you.

Un-Belief

Maybe I just don't know anymore.

She Skips and Falls

She doesn't believe in fairy tales, but she believes in you.
She wrestles with doubt becuase of all that has happened to her.
She skips a meal every now and then.
She is in pieces; she is broken.
She didn't sleep for two months because of you.
She choked for five minutes after she got off the phone with you the last night you ever spoke to her.
She's missing a tennis shoe.
She mixmatched her earrings on purpose.
She's still holding your hand.
She's still carrying a lot, a lot more than she should.
She is thankful for everytime you allowed her to come over and breakdown on your couch.
She doesn't pray like she used to.
She still sits in Your presence, or at least she thinks she does.
She gave it all for you.

I gave it all for you.

Erase

Sometimes you have to start over to get to where you want to be.
This means getting rid of everything you've already built.
Everything.

Pre-Algebra

I need a new equation because things just aren't adding up.

Numb

It's been winter for almost two and half months now. Today was the first time I've woken up and it's actually been cold. Today was the first time I felt it.

Tell me, how does almost a whole winter go by and not even one chill deck my spine?

"You're breaking me, and
I'm not okay with this. The
last time this happened,
I ended up with
everything sprawled out on the
floor...I am only
going to say this
once so listen, 'if You choose
to break, break away'."

11/34

I hope it's sunny, and I hope it's summertime. I hope there's a nice breeze to catch your tears, and I hope there's a white cloud that guides you home 'til night. Then I need you to follow the fire by night and promise me you won't be mad at God.

"...As Strong As Death"

If we knew the true depths of love, we would be a different people.

What's the rush?

You'll see the next step when you need to take it.

How is it. . .

that someone can bring new hope into your life and at the same time make you second guess every decision you've ever made?

Lift Off

Schedule me a red-eye flight.
This heartache wants to last all night.

Salvation

Some of us are so far past saving that we've given up on anyone coming to rescue us.
Some of us just weren't born with a hero.

"Until we're rescued, we'll believe otherwise."

Dear Friend,

You still live in the same house, and it's quite sad that I drive by so many times in one week. It's on the way to everywhere--work, Wal-Mart, the bank, Chick-Fil-A, the lake and that stupid fun gas station we'd always stop at after school on Thursdays--everywhere. I drove by two months ago with a new friend of mine. I told her that one of my best friends used to live in that house, your house. I told her you didn't live there anymore--but what I meant was you still live in my heart and I desperately miss you. One day, I'll have the courage to walk up and knock on your door. And we'll be friends again.

You always told me it'd be that easy. . .

Pass the Times

Doubt is nothing new.
I still secretly like the color blue.
And when I dance to "Requiem", I remember you.

A Kiss in the Night

We painted the night with silver and blue.
We etched a kiss with glass and fire.

If I Must Say

She used to sing--all the time.
But sometimes depression takes your voice away.
Not a whole lot makes me want to resurrect the music that is buried within me. It died a long time ago.
But ever since I met you, I sometimes find myself singing like I used to.

Lovely

Even when a storm comes, you're still beautiful.

Gone

You don't have to prove yourself, pretty girl.

Hug

And if I hold you really close for an extra long period of time, it's because I want to hear your heartbeat. I swear there's life within it that I've never discovered before.

Wait

I am done pretending that I don't need you anymore.

My BitterSweetHeart

I think you are lovely.
I think you are lost.
I think you are broken--broken for all the wrong reasons.

"She's not coming back,
and you can let go. You have
always wondered what
it's like to be free.
Now is your chance, now is your
turn. Don't let it get
away--don't let me
get away. Because I'll run,
and I won't look back."

Built

Just so we're clear, the sex wasn't worth it.

Rehab Art

I dance to remember. I drink to forget.

Long-Time-Letting-Go

It shouldn't be this hard, but it is.
I shouldn't be this hard, but I am.

Being An Arrow

There’s a link between this present sorrow and this joy that consumes me. I think this grace You’ve given me is starting to take place and settle in. It’s flooding every dry wasteland, and at times, I’m not okay with it because it’s unconditional. And I’m so used to conditional love, conditional thoughts…conditional people.

And I think the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life is get used to something.

Everything

"The world spins, and we
stand still. There is something wrong
with this. I feel as
though we should be in
motion, too. Break the silence.
We need the chaos."

Parcel

Don't try so hard.
They just want you to be you.

Warning

I told you it was a place you would never want to go, and now you're telling me it's a place where you don't want to be. I told you my story. You didn't laugh or roll your eyes.

Instead you called me a liar, but you have found my lies to be the truth.

Used To Be

You took him away. . .
My love, my life, my laughter.
You took him away. . .
My happiness, my freedom, my salvation.
You took him away. . .
My dream, my soul, my spirit.
You took him away. . .
My treasure, my joy, my heart.
You took him away. . .
My miracle, my new day, my endless night.
You took him away. . .
My prince, my light, my soothing wind.
You took him away. . .
My water, my healer, my beauty.
You took him away. . .
My disease, my sense of worth, my confidence.
You took him away. . .
My prize, my luck, my final bow.


So on this night where the moon is nowhere to be found and a single owl gives light by only his two eyes, I'm finding it within my heart that You knew exactly what You were doing when You took him away.

You knew the pain that would carry me.
You knew the grief that would behold me.
You knew the anger that would soothe within me.
You knew the sorrow that would sail around me.
You knew the waters I would tread and the waters I would venture into and the waters that I would come to drown in.
You knew what I didn't know, and after three years I can finally say,
"Thank You for taking him away."

Shelter

You are safe here. You are hidden here. They will not find you here.
And you can stay here as long as you like.

Let the healing begin.

Yes

I'm learning to trust again.
I'm learning to love again.
And I'm learning that they're not all like you.

Hollow Ground

. . .and when you fell from my hands, it wasn't a crash, it wasn't a bang. There was no sound at all. When you fell, it was made clear to the both of us that you were empty and all you ever had was in me.

Lock It.

I used to be a lot of things, but I'm not anymore.
I used to wear your bracelet full of charms 'til I dropped it on the floor.
I used to run wildly through your house until you closed all the doors.
I was a whore for you, but unlike the others my heart was never rich, always poor.

Rule

I've made you out to be something you are not.
This is my fault.

Rusty

Ever get the feeling that someone has worn a piece of your jewelry before?
I hate it.

Sent

There are so many pieces here.
I don't know where to begin.
And I don't know where they'll end. . .

"He sent you to me.
This I can not deny. And
I'm finding His plan."

Currency Equals. . .

You are priceless. If anyone ever bid on you, I'd always bid way above. No one ever seemed to know your true worth.

To Accept--To Forgive--To Deny

"I have given you something good, My child. Why don't you just trust it?"

"Because I don't deserve good things. Haven't You seen what I've done? Haven't You seen what I've done? Haven't You seen what I've done?"

"If you continue to live this way, you will never know the joys of following Me or the treasures I have waiting for you."

"And that's my choice. That's my decision to make."

"Yes, dear heart, yes, it is."

Confession

"Looking in the mirror has been hard to do lately."

--and that's all these shameful lips have to say right now because these shameful lips have brought so much pain.

Blue Wall

I couldn't wait.
I couldn't stop.
I couldn't think.

And you thought I did all of this for you. . .

Promise[s]

Today is the day that forever ends. . .

"The one thing I had
no say, no choice, no hand in
took you away. . .[til] death [do us part]."

Haunt

Sometimes I wish there was a physical manifestation of you. Then I could see you, and I could guard myself against you. And I could destroy you.

Heartbeat

In these moments, I find peace.

Scarlet

I wish you could have seen the look on his face.
I wish you could have seen the force in his eyes.
I wish you could have seen the shake in his hands.
I wish you could have seen him walk away.
I wish you could have seen me run after him.
I wish you could see the way we used to fly.
I wish you could see how we were unstoppable.
I wish you could see how we ran so fast, so careless.
I wish you could see the forest we created with our bare hands.
I wish you could see the treasure we discovered in the summer afternoon.
I wish you could see the treasure we buried that winter evening.
I wish you could have seen the dance we danced and the play we played.
I wish you could have seen the sun that July morning and how we touched it.
I wish you could have seen the full moon in February and how we reached it.
I wish you could see it all.

Please tell me you remember that "we" and "he" is us and you.

Discard

Every tear had your name on it that cold, cold September night. And each one that fell seemed to crash when it hit the floor. You never were the type to drive silenty or float seamlessly.

Right

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and shudder because your heart is still in mine.
What do you want from me?
Why do you continue to haunt me?

Intimate Stranger

I can't give these pieces to you because he still has them. Believe me when I say that I'm fighting the fight of my life trying to get back what I gave away so freely, so willingly, so selfishly. In trying to be somebody else's hero, I became the destroyer of your dreams.

And for this I am eternally sorry. . .

Un-Me

Do you know what a black winter does to a soul?
It kills it.

Sometimes the cold wind is too hard to bear,
And sometimes the heart you left in my hands is too hard, I swear.
I never thought I got the best of you. . .

But it's all in the way you left every piece in my hands,
and ran wild while I tried hopelessly to put them all together.
How dare you leave me with something
so fragile,
so vulnerable,
so weak,
so reckless,
something that wasn't mine.

Loneliness

The world we see is not always the world we know, and the world we know is not always the world we see.

Windy City

She's finding her way; she's finding life.
Let her be free; let her be wild.
I swear she just wants the best for you.
Let her care for you; let her love you.
She's discovering a treasure; she's discovering you.

The Road We Travel

We tend to think the end will be ours, but nothing is really ours until we let it go. The only thing we can ever control is the beginning. And even then, we have our doubts.

Transparency

Because for a moment, we discovered the strength in what makes us human.

5:44 AM

I've never felt so close to a stranger as I did in that hotel room.
We all have our roads; we all have our stages.
But it's here where we collide. And it's here where we will part.
It's here where we forget we are lonely.

Floor

These secrets are golden.
These secrets do not come easily.
These secrets stay hidden in the attic where they are cold and can grow lonely all by themselves.

But these secrets are starting to seep through the ceiling, and you're starting to enter the house. You're standing at the doorway of each room, and you've found you are able to make yourself at home here. I just hope that when these secrets make their way to the comfortable green chair you've chosen that you don't decide to run out. Because plenty of people have sat in that chair before, and plenty of people have left that chair empty.

Screw Up

I told you I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
I just wish you would believe me.

8:08 AM

It hit me.
It consumed me.

And I'm not entirely sure you know what's at stake here.

Sleeper

And even though you're high and completely unaware of the fact that you stayed up all night just to talk to me, I will treasure this moment. You're laughing and smiling with me again. It's been a long time but that cloud finally settled beyond the horizon.

I hope it never rises again.

Had

I had those kisses that you now saturate yourself in.
I had those hands that you now hold.
I had those eyes that you now adore.
I had his thoughts that you now entertain.
I had those feet that always stood in between mine.
I had his body against me that now lays next to you.
I had his heart that you are now piecing back together.

I had it all.
Or at least I thought I did.

It's What We Don't Know

. . .that keeps us coming back for more.

Blue Eyes

"Time with you is never enough.
Time apart from you is always too much."

Momentum

I wish I could shield you from the heartache that will soon surround you. But I can't stop the future; I can't stop the fight. When you fall, you will fall hard. And if it takes you a few years before you get up, it's ok. I'm here holding you.

Just remember, you're the only one who is yet to surrender.

Creux

You creep up on me like a winter storm.
You lay down next to me like an old friend.
You sit with me, and we whisper like we're lovers.

We are intertwined like fire and ice.
We stick together like oil and water.
You are my bluebird, and I am your worm.

Coal

I will forever hate you when you are close by and love you when you are far away.

Escape

Somethings I just don't want to know.
Somethings I just don't want to say.
Somethings I just don't want to be.

Somethings. . .

Yes

Never.
Never.
Never.

Never say never.

From the Sea

White dress. Spaghetti strap. Three buttons.
Pretty jewels. Sand-strung hair. Bare feet.
Rocks. Wind. Ocean.

She's an image of beauty.
She's an image of brokenness.
She's an image of healing.

She is yours.

Crash

You started out so far away from me.
Who knew so far away was so close?

Wall Lights

I stayed up and had a chat with the man in the moon last night. He whispered your name, and I stared at him because he's not supposed to know that. But the thing about the man in the moon is that he knows everything--the things I tell him and the things I don't, the things I show him and the things I hide. He knows me all too well, all too willingly.

He knows me the way I wish I knew you. . .

Road

Tell me it's different.
Tell me you're not afraid.
Tell me, at the same time, it's something that scares the Hell out of you.

And when you tell me this, look me in the eye.
I've been waiting to dive in.

Red

It's your way of getting back at them because they always chose someone else over you. They always made the bad choice, and now it's your turn. Choose away, no one's begging you to stay.

His Secrets Aren't Spoken

You have too much control.
You have too much baggage.
You have too much you're not letting go of.

You are your own slave.
But one day, you'll be set free.

Know

I'm sorry I thought you were different.
And I'm sorry I thought you were special.

Prove to me I'm wrong, and maybe we won't have to wonder what might have been.

One Fall

Calm. Candy. Collective.
She tastes sweet, and you want so much more. . .of only her.

Tell me, what is so special about her? Why is she the only one you walk away from when you want to draw her the closest? Why is she the only one you long to tell your secrets to?

Do you see the shine in her eyes? That's where she'll keep your secrets; that's where she'll keep your treasures. Because to her, the only shame in life is not being honest.

He Believes

Send me something new, something true.
Send it when I'm falling, when I'm shaking.
Send it when I'm reckless and ruthless, torn and tattered, beaten and bruised.

Send me something new, something true.

She Whispers

I swear to God I don't know what I'm going to do when my prescription runs out.
I just might become addicted to you.

"I've found a love for
something not human, not in
the least. But it's so
real, so raw, so mine.
And I love it. And nothing
will come between us."

Now

The war is over, and I surrender.
Two things I've learned: You can not control Love. Love controls you. It must; it has no other choice unless you want things to get messy.

"It's in his eyes that I lose control. . ."

Close And Far

One should not wish to avoid feeling numb to avoid pain because that same numbness will creep into the happy moments of your life and steal them.

Seven

I always wrote your name with blue chalk because it looked so lovely when the rain washed it away. I always wrote my name with pink chalk because it matched. I always wrote your name with blue chalk because it was like the sea you were meant to be. I always wrote my name with pink chalk because it looked like the flowers you'd never bring. I always wrote your name with blue chalk because it wasn't permanent and never left any trace after the storms came. I always wrote my name with pink chalk because it was permanent, and I was always the one still standing after the storms came.

Sidewalk

It always ends broken.
It always ends in pieces.
It always takes more from me than I want it to.

And I still want more. . .

Monster

Beauty is just as destructive as the one who beholds it.

Twirl

She has a high tolerance for vodka and boys that are no good for her.
She wears red heels on Sunday mornings.
She speaks out of turn, and she speaks her mind.
She breaks her nails over stupid things like spilt coffee and burnt onion rings.
She broke your favorite picture frame, the one you promised to hang on the wall someday.
She also broke the glass floor you used to walk on.
But that's okay, she's used to breaking things.

Chance

I let go of you three years ago.
Now I'm letting go of the idea that one day you'll come back to me.

Ignorance isn't the bliss it's cracked up to be.

Roll the Dice

Her eyes hold a mystery that you can't solve, and her hair holds a beauty that you can't touch. Her face holds a joy that you wish you knew. You tell her she's beautiful, and you tell her she's pretty. But you will never tell her you want her to be yours. Heaven forbid you risk it all for the only girl you have ever wanted to give every piece of yourself to.

Right?

Our love breeds danger.

Our love breeds pride, our love brings

more bad than good, right?

Green Fire Truck

There are some dreams you just can't forget.
There are some kisses you just can't regret.

Charades

Sometimes your smile is so inviting.
And sometimes your smile is so cruel.

I wish it was more inviting.

Eternally

If I could give you the world, I would. But instead, I will give you my world, and you will be the center of it. I will pour my soul into you, and you will live. You will breathe. You will find new life. You will be mine, and I will be yours.

In That Day

One day we'll figure
this out, and we will see why,
we will see who, we
will see how. Nothing
will be a secret, and all
will be clear. We will
know the Truth. All we
know are the lies, the pain, and
the sorrow. We know
more than we ever
were supposed to know, to see,
to feel. We know too
much for our own good.
And we have survived, barely,
but we have survived.
The angels wonder
why we were created, why
we were allowed
to stick around. What
they don't know is that
our hearts are just as
strong as they are weak, and they
have yet to see our
strength. Remember, love,
I told you one day we will
see. . .yes, we will see.

Mike & Ike

You are lovely.
You are beautiful.
You are broken.

And I wish you could know there is more to life than what you have experienced and what you know. I wish you were open to the idea that you can be anything you want to be.

. . .you can be who you want to be.