I thought...

I thought when I saw you again--I thought I would smile.  I thought I would kiss you, and I thought I would give you the kind of hug that you give someone when you want them to know that you never should have let them go in the first place.  I thought I would be happy to see you.  I thought it would connect us again.  I thought we would be right where we left off.  I thought we would add to the story, the story of us. 

But when I saw you today, I didn't think any of those things.  All I wanted was to be as far away from you as I could be.  And I wanted to forget you. 

This is why I'm leaving without saying goodbye...   

After

Did I care more about you?  Did you care less about me?  Was it not real?  Was it too good to be the truest form of love I've ever held in my hands?  Was I attached?  Were you not attached?  Am I crazy?  Am I still attached?  Is there a cure?  Is there any getting over you?  Why don't I know? Why can't I just figure you out?

I don't know.
I don't know this time.
All I know is that I'm having a hard time letting go of you when it should be really easy.  

Fame

When your heart breaks in front of the whole world, the only thing you can do is let it...

Affair

We must never speak of it to anyone...
We must never look at each other in public...
We must only brush by each other with our heads to the ground...
We can't find each other in lost hallways...
We must surround ourselves with everyone else but ourselves...
We must take only the quickest route to escape...
We must find a way to breathe apart from each other...
We must find different air to breathe...
We can't keep meeting like this...
We can't keep calling each other...
We must take different steps...
We must forget the life we bring to each other...
We must forget the escape that we bring...
We can't look each other in the eyes...

We must & We can't....

Lover

"Your lips carry the sweetest of poisons and the darkest of wines. . ."

28-32

"Sometimes loneliness is a choice, and I think it's time you started making other choices..."

I think...

My mistake wasn't in thinking that you were different.  My mistake was in thinking that you were the same as me. 

After You Were Gone

I used to sign my letters to you with the nickname you gave me, and then I signed them with a kiss of your favorite lipstick. 

But now I just leave that spot empty because you wouldn't recognize my nickname today, and you wouldn't recognize my kiss.  You wouldn't recognize the first thing about me. 

A [New] Hope

Time doesn't heal.  You found that out a long time ago. The broken clock on the wall proves it, and the brokenness in your heart only proves your doubt. 

But you've found a hope.  Even if it's only in her smile, it's a hope you can hold on to. 

Post--

Today was the first day I touched my belly since I had lost you.  Tell me, where did you go?  What are you doing?  What do you see when you open your eyes?  I still feel my stomach in hopes that I'll feel a kick or two. 

I gave you a name, you had a name. 

Tasteless

"The only reason my skin ever tasted of whiskey is because it was always on your lips..."

...remember.

Your hands on my hips and the rush between our lips are two things I'll always remember about summer nights.  I also remember how you used to slide my sweater over my bikini on the cold summer nights when we'd fall asleep on the beach.  You always said that I would catch a cold, then you would tickle me like I was a child 'til I laughed way too loud.  You always said they could hear my laugh in Heaven.  And I told you that the angels smiled when I laughed.  Then I'd wrap your arms around me--your arms were strong and full of courage.  Your arms were a peaceful place to fall asleep.  But your arms carried more than I could hold.   

New

Your ideas are contagious,
and so is your heart.  I can't help but love you.
And I can't help but walk away.

I am...

I am here.
I wonder where you are.
I hear your voice.
I see your face.
I want to know you.
I am scared.
I pretend I'm not.
I believe I've found a treasure.
I touch this newfound treasure.
I feel it; it feels like gold.
I worry it will melt.
I cry because this treasure is not mine to hold.
I am frightened again.
I understand it wasn't your fault.

Angels

"...a human heart can love.
This is our miracle."

Along

I've created a secret for you.
Keep it. Hold on to it.  But don't lock it up.
Let it go when it needs to be set free.
Speak it. Release it. Allow it to become the next person's secret...

Jehovah

There will be days when it will be hard.
I will be with you all of those days.

Future

"I don't have many memories of you, but I dream about you all of the time."

Then Again

There was a time when...

I thought we could kiss the sky and swim in the clouds.

I feared I would never find my way home again.

I avoided getting lost.

And, I pretended I was okay.

But I've changed...

Now, I remember the way.

I regret nothing.

I wish you could, too.

I hope you'll forgive yourself.

Because now...

I want us to be friends again.