Dear Heart

"You look broken.
You look beaten.
You look as though someone just took away everything you ever believed in."

Yeshua

I realized today that I'm breaking Your heart. I'm making You sad; I'm making You cry and ache over me. And this was never my intention. . .

My promises are worth nothing. I wish You could leave me and stop loving me.

Hope Not

I have this strange feeling I'm going to let you all down, especially you.

Crumble

I resisted the urge to kiss you because I knew it wouldn't change things. I don't know how long you're going to deny this, to deny me.

The longer you ignore it all, the easier it's going to be to break into you when that time comes.

Without

I don't know, maybe you do.

You

Everything is blurry these days.
Nothing is tangible.
Life just grows colder.

Under the Lights

I don't like knowing that I am weak around you, and I don't like the feeling that I could give away so much of myself to you at any moment.

Let Me.

I don't know what I thought I knew.
What scares me is that I don't care anymore.
I am not who I thought I was.
What scares me is that I'm not fighting anymore.

How does one go from holding and nurturing the hearts around her to shattering them without a sense of guilt or shame?

Truth Can Be

They're waiting for you to fall.
They're waiting for something to catch you on.
But, baby, they don't know you're flawless.

Orientation

You really shouldn't wrap your arms around my hips like that, especially if you swing the other way.

"Because I'm dying inside. . ."

Depression

It's like a prison you're dying to get out of because living is such a foreign and forgotten experience.

In My Life

There will always be one person who took it all.
There will always be two days I'll never forget.
There will always be three feet between us.
There will always be four letters I'll never regret putting together to say to you.
There will always be five times we could have had something beautiful.
There will always be six minutes that I regret.
There will always be seven chairs around the table.
There will always be eight more flavors to try.
There will always be 9 times 279 kisses between the two us.
There will always be ten deaths you never died. . .

Rare Occasion

I never told you that I felt your tears hit the back of my neck the first time you cried in front of me.

"I can still feel them."

Delicate

"I broke your heart like it was made of glass and cut your soul like it was something deep."

But neither of these are near representations of who you are. You are the most plastic figure I've ever held my whole life.

Erase

There's a reason why you couldn't stop caring for me.
I pray to God you never find it out.
Because it will mess you up, more than it's messed me up.

Forget me, that's all I ask of you.

Grant

Don't tell me how it ends.
You always drop hints; you drop too many.

"I don't want to know his heart before I find it.
I just want to breathe."

Away

"The further you go, the closer I get."

Sincerely

I feel like I know the you who wears false eyelashes, way too much blush, Candy perfume, and mountain-girl boots better than the you who wears black t-shirts, crazy headbands, worn-out jeans, and a torn smile. You always smile so genuinely when you wear lipstick, and you always stare so eloquently when you're bare faced. You capture the essence of my spirit both ways, and you know my secrets whether you have a wig on or not. It doesn't matter if we're drunk off of vodka or each other--we're together, and I like that. You wrap your arms around me and steal much more than the innocence in my soul; you steal it all.

"I knew you were something special when I met you. You're still something special."

Up

They always told me "Fall gracefully. Fall in such a way that it steals beauty from the breath of spectators." But I fell in such a tragic way that even walking again was out of the question. Some of us were just born to crawl.

"And sometimes the mud is way too much fun."

X

"Sorry for stabbing you in the back.
It just felt so good."

No Surprise

Your face is a dirty secret that I want to keep close to my heart until it beats out of my chest.

Unbelief

I don't believe in You today as much as I did yesterday.

Two Trash Cans

I released your heart into the fountain with such care, such tact. I didn't want it to hit the bottom before it knew where it was. I didn't want to throw it because you don't throw things that aren't yours. I didn't want it to go into shock from the change in temperature, the change in seasons. I didn't want to drop it because it was already broken and bitter enough. You'll be glad to know that your heart is still on a string, still closed, still only capable of loving you and only you.

You are the most important person in your eyes, and that's sad; but I won't cry because I don't give tears to lost causes.

Inside

"I'll be damned if you ever get what you want from me."

Degenerative

I'm jealous of your disease because you have a reason to be mad at God, yet you're at peace. I have no reason to be mad at God, yet I'm still wrestling with Him after all this time.

Why won't You just leave me alone?

Yellow Bird Stuck In A Tree

"You can't do that. You
can't use words like that, words that
make me want to stay."

Over

I wish you weren't so easy to forget,
And I wish my heart could find something about you to regret.

But there's nothing special about you--there's nothing unique.
You're only lovely, only so lovely.

The Next Fall

I am so much more intimate with the evil within me than the good.
I am so weak, so reckless, so unworthy.
I swear I'm an example of what not to be.

How would you feel if there was a fight for your soul and all you could do was watch with your hands tied behind your back and your lips sewn together with wire?

Poor Girl

Poor girl, you let him slip right through your fingers.
Poor girl, you're addicted.
Poor girl, you think deep thoughts, really deep thoughts.
Poor girl, you know too much.
Poor girl, you speak too soon.
Poor girl, you sat in his lap way too long.
Poor girl, your imagination gets the best of you.
Poor girl, they adore you.
Poor girl, they are fascinated by you.
Poor girl, you messed it up.
Poor girl, you are not good enough.
Poor girl, you hold your head too high.
Poor girl, you are not perfect.
Poor girl, your heart is in pieces.
Poor girl, you used a boy to forget the pain.
Poor girl, your best friend was a bottle last night.
Poor girl, you always use the back entrance.
Poor girl, you are broken.
Poor girl, you tripped over him.
Poor girl, you have a cut on your wrist...again.
Poor girl, you screwed up.
Poor girl, you know they think you are beautiful.
Poor girl, you know they wonder.
Poor girl, you know they have questions.

Poor girl, how are you so rich?

Last Time

"You were the only chance I wanted to take."

The Long Way Home

I never told you the secret short-cut because I just wanted to hear you speak--even if it was in a French accent or like Jerry Seinfield,
I just wanted to hold your hand a little longer,
I just wanted to see you smile one more time,
I just wanted to feel your heart at peace for another minute,
I just wanted to catch your eyes again and again.
Deep down all I really wanted was more time with you.


I will always want more time.

Satisfied.

What's enough?
Because apparently enough is never enough.

A bro-ken Hallelujah

Your people celebrate Your resurrection today...some resurrection.
Your people celebrate the victory over Death...some victory.
Your people celebrate their residence in Heaven...some residence.

I celebrate the misery,
the brokenness,
the pain,
the loneliness,
the isolation,
the regret,
the apathy,
the rejection,
the lies,
the broken truth,
the sorrow,
the darkness,
the slighted promises,
the one-night stands,
the stolen goods,
the infidelity,
the wayward tongue,
the drunken nights
and high, early to rise mornings where nothing is faithful but the sun. . .

Because three nights in a tomb just isn't enough for me sometimes.

Out of Control

"Don't you see there is a greater force at work here than us?"

To Begin With. . .

Your heart is a stone.
My heart was a window.

What do stones do to windows?

Nine Months

Why did I wait for Time to heal me when all I had to do was let go?

Cement

Why does it feel unfinished?